My Testimony January 25, 2008

 

           I am just your normal (okay, maybe that’s a stretch)  27 year old—stepping forward in faith to God’s calling for my life and learning to strengthen my marriage, and sharpen my spiritual gifts. I too sin, am a boat straddler, mistake maker, several times broken, but,  praise God a forgiven, learning, growing, and God-fearing disciple.  In my testimony I hope to share with you that I am just a real person, with real people problems and hang-ups. By no means am I close to perfection, although ever striving as it’s in my perfectionistic nature to do so.

 It’s a good thing that the Lord isn’t only accepting the blemishless or I’d me sitting on the sidelines my entire life. I hope through my story you’ll see brokenness being restored (not just from a medical standpoint, but most importantly in my heart) regardless of my health, or lack there of, my heart was my serious condition.

As I share I have done my best to repeat verbatum what is in my medical records, as well as, what I have later learned about the time before I was awake. All possible thanks to mom’s journal. Now you know where I get my ‘perfectionist’ nature!  No, the apple didn’t fall too far from the tree, did it?!

Some of the greatest words ever spoken to me were those of a nurse, “You can lay here and allow unforgivness to hinder you, or you can forgive what seems unforgivable.” I chose forgiveness! Why you might ask. Because I personally needed the most forgiveness and I certainly didn’t want to stay planted in that hospital bed for the rest of my life.  Since that day I have felt a freedom I could never explain. It’s as if I’ve escaped from a prison and am running free. Forgiveness is an amazing thing! Once done, you have no more excuses only time to get on with life, living, and the things that really matter most. Forgiveness equaled  freedom in my world. Freedom from the years anger, hatred, and pity would have stolen. Freedom from years wasted rather than days spent seeking the Lord’s purpose in why what happened happened to me and how does He want me to use this experience for His glory.

       The day started out like every other day of my destructive 18 year old life. Little did I know that it would be the last day I spent as a sin-seeking, self absorbed young woman. This day, the Lord had a detour up ahead that I was completely unaware of and about to encouter at just the right time. At 2:45 PM on Tuesday August 24, 1999, God allowed me to be face to face with the detour plan He had planned even before my conception. Because of His great love for his child, He planned this opportunity for me to escape the life I had been living and trade that in for a life devoted to Him.

 In moments I was hit, head on, at an intersection while waiting to go through a green turn signal. Seconds later my vehicle was transformed into a mangled metal ball.  After stepping from my car I turned to jello in the street and in the arms of a young male witness. I was taken by ambulance to our local hospital and a few hours later airlifted into Tampa General Hospital Trauma Unit.

Upon my arrival trauma surgeons were preparing to open me up and explore, with hopes to see, what was bleeding profusly inside. Before going into this exploratory surgery my mother heard the Lord say to her “Pray! Pray!” as the surgeon was sharing their plan. In obedience she grabbed the surgeons hand and those present and took the request to the throne room of heaven.

The statistics were not in my favor the surgeons had told my parents. It was discovered in that first exploratory surgery I had sustained a Grade 5 liver laceration. All that means is my liver was severed badly in two to three pieces  leaving only a small percentage functioning. Because of this injury, the blood that comes via large vessels into the liver for filtration were now leaking at a rapid rate into my open chest cavity. The dead & damaged portions of my liver totaled 80- 85% and were later dissected away after several attempts to reattach. 

      From the accident day until about eight to nine weeks later I was in a coma. (In Heather time, this was long enough for Burger King to invent a Big Kids Meal, my already large appetite to swell to that of a full grown elephant, and a hurricane to form and pass over Tampa.) During this traumatic period it was the roller coaster of a lifetime for my family as they lived out of the ICU waiting room day & night for months. My body would be stable at 8 AM, and looking death in the face at 9 AM. This meant that critical medical decisions had to be mad on a moments notice by my parents. My stability was quite precarious due to the infections that I got one after the other, eventually leading to isolation for prevention of further infection. The clotting factor was practically nonexistant, therefore, I was bleeding without ceasing from all the infections and stress my body was enduring. To top it off  I had a gaping hole about the diameter of a beach ball adorning the front of me. Nurses and doctors propped me with wedge shaped pillows  to help keep my exposed organs, which no longer fit inside my body, from falling on the floor. I also had to be moved from one ICU “command center” to another so that all the medical equipment, monitors, sterile dressing supplies, my special bed, and the staff could actually fit in the room  to care for me. 

Once awake (8 weeks later) I learned I had undergone nine of my 12-14 surgical procedures in an attempt to repair all the problems from the impact. As a result of the trauma, I was trached for life support and unable to do more than flinch my finger (thanks to the atrophied muscles in my body). Clinging to every breath I laid there wondering what had happened to me.  The girl who couldn’t even watch the ER show was now able to stare at her own organs performing their God given function right before her very eyes.  I was mute, motionless, somewhat afraid, but  I knew God’s grace was the only reason I was still living. For that I was humbled! After the mistakes I made He was giving me a chance to live again, but this time with a new perspective and  gratefulness. This was the gift of grace- something I absolutely did not deserve. 

     From the day I awoke out of the coma there was an urgency to try and come up with a solution to fix the large opening in my abdomen. This way we could try and rehabilitate the atrophied muscles in my body before becoming too stiff to regain good mobility. Trauma surgeons and students created a windshield of plastic with a zipper for easy access to the organs and sewed it onto the skin around the hole. This creative idea allowed doctors to closely monitor me internally without having to actually cut me open each time, it also protected my organs from the airborne infections floating around the hospital, and well it was just plain fancy; like an extension of see through flesh. All I needed was one of those Tommy Hilfiger flag branding thingys sewn onto it  and I might have started a new trend. Just for you to grasp the size of this hole in my abdomen- a football size opening, with muscle & belly button retracted all the way back to my side. The length was from sternum to pelvin bone. 

     Following the installation of  the “windshield,” therapists started to bend my limbs more and work on regaining  as much movement as possible. One of my favorite nurses barged in early and barked, “Girl… You’re gonna walk today!”  Then a physical therapist cruised in with a shiny new walker. Boy was my pride hurt! I had these big plans of strutting down the hall (mind you  I had only been on my backside for long enough to have completed a quarter of college) and now I have to use THAT walker?!  “You must be joking, I can walk I’m only 18 years old for goodness sake!” It didn’t take long to see I not only needed a walker, but a halter strap and two assistants!

      I underwent several other surgeries to work on the organs damaged and find a more stable solution for the hole in my abdomen.  Doctors decided after a few weeks  to graft skin from my right leg to cover the hole as a temporary solution while we waited for the organ swelling to go down. All the while preparing me for the upcoming abdominal reconstruction planned for the Spring of 2000. In the mean time, I learned to live all over again. I was retaught how to do practically everything! Missing that large of a portion of your abdominal muscles pretty much takes away your ability to  move, lift, pull, stand, etc. I was taught to compensate and depend on the help of others at least until I was stronger in the arms and legs. It was during this time God strengthened me in ways I never imagined to prepare me for the battles ahead.

            Nine weeks after the accident I was moved to rehab.  It was there where I learned to care for myself, my 18″x 15″ graft site, and regain more mobility.

I was later released to home healthcare nurses, PT’s, and OT’s who came daily for wound care and therapy. I was home at last, complete with feeding tube, temporary graft covering my abdomen, and fitted with a heavy abdominal binder reminisent of the women of the 1800’s!    

Eight months after the accident I returned to the hands of the surgeons to undergo the massive reconstruction of my abdominal wall.  The surgery required us to once again put my life in the hands of the Heavenly Father as there were no real guarantees of anything until after it was over. After a much longer and difficult surgery than anticipated I came out fine. In post-op the trauma surgeon woke me up and smiled to say, “Your gonna be in the next swimsuit issue!” I grinned as he had a wonderful sense of humor. I was not to pleased when told they would most likely remove my belly button because it served no real purpose anymore. 

    The Lord has restored my health to ways never imagined. I have beat all statistics thanks to the Heavenly Father. He is our Great Healer- my life is your proof! He worked through many great people, surgeons, nurses, and other hospital staff to aide in this season of my life. My family will all agree that He must have hand picked this special team as the combined knowledge, skill, and ability was only something God Himself orchestrate.

      I am so blessed! Blessed to be living, working, serving, loving, laughing, and making memories as the Lord gives me the breath and strength for another day. It is a gift I can’t find real words to explain- actually being alive after such an experience. I am learning daily how much this detour the Lord gave me was really a shortcut where I grew into a deeper knowledge and understanding of Him. He loved me so much He wanted to save me from myself! An He still continues to do that  in my adult life. Through His wisdom I have learned that if it took an accident, one nearly costing me life, to open my eyes to the desires of His heart and change the desires of mine then every pain, heartache, tear, and scar was well worth it!

Remember that old hymn “Wherever He Leads I’ll go…” that’s me.  Wherever He leads I’ll go, and if that means struggle is there too then I’m confident that He’ll give me the strength I need to handle it. He hasn’t forsaken me yet… even when I had pretty much forsaken Him for myself.  While we are ever changing, He remains the same. I smile right now as I say that because I think of all the things I’ve changed my mind about. Good thing He never changes His mind about us!

Sometimes in life we take the road less traveled and wind up frustrated with a flat tire while all the while looking backward for when the next passerby comes along. Other times we slow poke along staring out the windows at all the scenery and maybe hit a few pot holes but never look back. In life I started out as the girl speedily rushing life by with four flat tires and a terrible problem with keeping her eyes focused on the rearview mirror. In my second go round I have chosen to be the slow poke who stops and smells the Proverbial roses but doesn’t look back. I don’t look back because my trust is in my awesome God. He’s been BIG in my life! When I hit big potholes, He fixes my alignment. When I get going down the wrong highway, He shows me an alternate route. When I run out of gas, He fills me up. When the rearview mirror falls off… Well who cares I’m not looking in it anyway!                      

Today I still live in this wonderful beach side community we call home with my two pesky cats — Kitty Bubba & Oliver– and the greatest love God gave me- my husband. We have a cozy little condo that overlooks the neighborhood. Across the street live my mother & step-father who I visit on a far too regular occasion for mental counseling (just kidding), back scratches, pecan pie or any other excuses I can find. At the present time I am a housewife who’s working on fulfilling the Lord’s call to me- speaking & writing.  I enjoy reading for knowledge, researching anything & everything, organizing, decorating, interior design, architecture, writing,   picking on my husband for fun, spoiling my pets, being an aunt, and shooting photography. Actually, I am into many more things than this but there’s just not enough space.          

      More than anything else I’m blessed. Blessed to be living, working, serving, loving, laughing, and making memories as the Lord gives me the breath & strength for another day. It is a gift I can’t find real words to explain to be still alive after such an experience as this.

     I hope that one day when i meet Him in heaven He’ll say, “Well done my good and faithful servant.”  Then i can hop in His lap and start asking Him the myriad of questions i have about everything under the sun. Or maybe i won’t have words to say at all.  See you there! But in the mean time you can keep up with us here in this blog.

                              A Special Note of Thanks to Dr. Lewis Flint and my TGH Family    

     First, to my beloved Dr. Lewis Flint. How could I ever find the words to convey the gratitude that I have for you. There is no doubt in my mind that God placed you & I together, with purpose, for a season. He couldn’t have put me in the care of any other surgeon I could have loved or cared for as much as you! God has really created something so awesome in you- a most amazing, intelligent, knowledgeable, and skilled surgeon. In my opinion, you’re the best of the best and I’m sure I can find plenty more who will concur with that! I have such fond memories of you through the years. So many times you’ve put my nervous anxiety to rest with your calm demeanor and cute red cheeked smile. I remember even back in the hospital days how you’d come round the corner in my room and smile at me- I may not have been able to speak but I could see the tenderness in your eyes. Therefore, trusting you was always easy. I feel honored to have been one of your little trauma brats. Not a day of my life will ever pass that I don’t think or pray for you at least twice. I feel blessed to have known you, been cared for by you, and to be one of many whom I’m sure pray for your safety & wisdom as the Lord uses your talents. Thank you for all your care, kindness, love, and attention through all the years. You’re a treasured gift to me and my family! I love you like a poppa always.

      To the Student Doctors, Nurses, and staff of Tampa General Hospital that cared for me during the lowest point of my life. You guys are my Earth Angels! Your time, words, touch, and ears were what I needed some days to rise above my circumstances. I never could have had such an enjoyable experience without you each and your influence in my life. For all the sunflowers in Coke bottles, cheeseburgers tasting’s but not swallows, warmed Kangaroo feedings, hot blankets 24-7, new hair-do’s, laughs, cry’s, talks of wisdom, photo albums of Alaska, balloons, stickers, and prescription Oreo’s in bio hazard bags I say thank you!! I will forever be your “Trauma Triumph” and share my gratitude for your hand in God’s plan for my life. You’re an awesome team who deserves so much and I pray the Lords blessings over each of your lives, as well as, your families. May he protect you and guide you day-by-day as he uses your talents and abilities for His glory. Love to each of you from me!

 

 

 Us  Christmas 2007