Heather’s Adventures In Babysitting June 9, 2008

     I am sure that many of you are going to be laughing while i share this experience. As for me, i’m still recovering!

WARNING: If you have a weak bladder please proceed with CAUTION.

     In case some of you don’t already know Barry & I can’t have children due to my accident (which you can read about in my testimony for you new comers). We have lots of nieces and nephews, but once again no kids. Therefore, this large chunk of knowledge on how to handle certain “issues” with kids is totally missing from our brains. Let me fill you in my our  Saturday evening…

     Barry’s sister asked us to watch her youngest child (3 mo old) overnight so she could go to a wedding. We unknowingly accepted this task with big smiles. After getting our nephew and feeling all good about this adventure in baby sitting we got a brilliant idea to take 3 month old Isaac out to dinner. Mind you Barry & I are known for our dinners where we talk, stare into each others eyes, and solve the problems of the adult world all while we sip tea & eat a 7 course meal. Isaac was pretty good for the most of dinner. I thought it rather odd how he can still be drinking formula from a bottle yet know that when i lifted the fork it was my turn to eat  which meant he must be held immediately. I obliged and learned how to juggle a baby  in one arm while wrapping pasta around a fork without spilling it on him. A+ for that!

     Finally, we came back home from our outting and decided that it would be nice to bathe him and put jammies on. Of course, all the while hoping to lay him down in his crib directly following the bath & bottle. I leaned over the tub starting to lower him in … as soon as his pinky toe touched the water he let our the most blood curddling scream. It was like i heard him one second and then my brain went deaf the next, then heard, then deaf, then heard, then deaf. Barry comes running in from the living room too see what was the cause for breaking the sound barrier only to find him being hovered over the nicely made warm bath. Normally, the only cause for such a scream as that comes as a direct result of a cockroach or frog sighting. It’s a wonder that i didn’t drop him from this unannounced screech of terror. I now know that he has a fear of water… apparently. His mother never alerted me to this tidbit of information. F- in child bathing.

     After our violation of the sound barrier at bath time i made a bottle and thought that was the key to getting those little eyes closed for the evening. Wrong! Wrong! Wrong!  The bottle was not the answer and i never did find out what was. Regardless, i spent the next 13 hours trying everything under the sun. I was up, down, up, down… the pacifier (what a deceiving name) falls out of the baby’s mouth he screams again, i put it back in, i propped, i covered, i cradled, i rocked, i sang ( I am certain that action did not help), i prayed, i begged, i tried to barter with a 3-mo old, and i finally thought that  maybe i’d  done something right because one eyelid shut. I Iaid him into the crib, hopped into my bed, got my blankies all situated , shut my eyes, and as soon as my head hit the pillow…. he screamed louder than before.  F- In bedtime attempts

     Where is Barry you ask? Sleeping like an angel. I looked over at him in the dark with gleaming eyes shooting daggers at his ears. Later i nicely told him i hated him for sleeping there are cute & comfy while i was enduring the worst hours of my life.

     I picked back up Isaac and nicely explained to him that no matter how terrible he thought he had it …. this was 1000 times worse for me! Prayerfully, his mother came after Barry called to ask her to please rescue us from her monster child. Whew! We high fived that this adventure had at last come to an end! Then i promptly called my sister to yell at her for not coming to my rescue in the night- she laughed, My mother laughed, My grandmother laughed! People i am not laughing! It will be a VERY LONG time before i consider self induced all night torture again.

     Nevertheless, i took 3 birth control pills yesterday morning in hopes to ensure i won’t have that happen again! I give you moms big props!  How in the world do you do it?! Barry & I have promised each other we’ll never do that to ourselves again! It’s apparently not our “gift” from the Lord as it was quite evident in retrospect. I prayed in the night that the Lord would forgive me for my stupidity in ever saying i wanted a child of my own.

REPORT CARD

Barry & Heather

Bathing- F

Bedtime- F

Hope you all enjoyed this lil’ funny from my weekend!